Travelling endlessly.

Things that happen on a frequent basis:

- Being mocked because I’m tired all the time and if I could, would sleep 16hrs a day.
- Being mocked when I make myself a meal, but can’t finish it because i’m too tired from making it or my joints are hurting so bad I can barely hold a fork.
- Being mocked because I start my assignments as soon as I get them because I’m afraid 1. I’ll flare up and miss the deadline or 2. My joints will hurt to the point where I can’t type.
- Tutors having fun digs at me because I am constantly tired in lessons so tend to make mistakes.

Albeit, these people have no idea this is caused by Lupus. And the sad thing is, althought it’s incredibly frustrating, I’d rather they thought I was a lightweight, or a geek, or a bit stupid than for them to know that I’m ill. The people who know think the meds make me okay again and i’m fine with that. The last thing I would ever want is to be treated differently because of this, so I plan on not telling lecturers/classmates for as long as I possibly can, and to downplay it completely to people who do know. I’m becoming a pretty good actor as of late..

Looks like tumblr is becoming my place to come rant about this.. Seeing as though of the 2 people I feel comfortable talking about Lupus in any way shape or form one lives in another country, and the other is a doctor I see every 8 weeks it’ll be nice to just rant even if no-one is reading. Just to get it out of my head.

Anonymous asked: Sorry i'm anon i don't have a tumblr acc. Just wanted to say that things will get better. You just have to keep pushing through hard times likes these. I've been diagnosed with SLE 5 years now. I went through this when i was diagnosed, and it was a struggle but you're stronger at the end because of it. Just know that asking for help, from a professional or friends is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. I hope things look up for you soon. Stay strong.

Whoever you are, thank you.

Pity Party

It only took 4 months, the beginning of hair loss and me passing out very publicly for the first time to trigger this breakdown my doctor/parents have been waiting for..

I guess when it’s suddenly not the ‘invisible illness’ and it’s on show for your friends/people to see, it’s a hell of a lot harder to deal with and damn well harder to pretend everything’s fine. It’s getting more and more difficult to make jokes and pretend i’m not ill…

At least people can stop telling me i’m dealing with it well now.

Currently listening to and ‘enjoying’..

  • Katy Perry
  • Rihanna
  • Lady Gaga (kind of)
  • High School Musical (well, tolerating)
  • *random dubstep music*

Conclusion: My flatmates are a bad influence.

Give me back my indie/rock/rap music and i’ll feel more comfortable.

Rupert Grint playing Ed Sheeran?.. Genius. Love the song also.

So, my friend managed to burn a cookie. Then, to stop the smoke setting off the smoke alarm my flatmate had this genius idea.. .. Yes, that’s a sock.

So, my friend managed to burn a cookie. Then, to stop the smoke setting off the smoke alarm my flatmate had this genius idea..

.. Yes, that’s a sock.

Still can’t get over that guitar riff. All rap music should be like this.

This week has brought..

The beginning of seminars on my course and an endless amount of readings/prep work I have to do.

2 days later it’s half 6 in the evening and i’m ready for bed. What have I turned into?..

Reasons I am a geek… Exhibit A - I was genuinely excited when these got delivered and haven’t put them down since I got them.

Reasons I am a geek…

Exhibit A - I was genuinely excited when these got delivered and haven’t put them down since I got them.